Am I Good Enough?

A question we have all asked ourselves at one time or another. Some may ask it still. I know I’ve asked it of myself more times than I can count. I have asked it in all parts of my life, but the biggest has always been… Am I good enough to be a writer?

It’s easy to say “yes I am”, but it’s harder to actually believe it. Like deep down believe it. In your gut believe it. That’s a whole lot harder to do, because saying it isn’t the same thing as believing it. Trust me, I know. You probably know it too.

But wait! It counts if someone else says it, right?

You are good enough!

You are great!

You are amazing!

You are rocking it, so keep on going!

Once upon a time, I lived for these type of statements from my friends or other people I knew. I needed to hear these things and hear them often to feel I was worth anything. Yes, I had some serious self-esteem issues. The worst of all was whether or not I was a decent writer. That particular idea plagued me in terrible ways not so long ago.

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Creating Opportunities to be More Creative

As a writer, being a creative person is a pretty big deal. We pride ourselves on how creative we are and yet there are times when we feel we just aren’t creative enough. It’s sort of a Ping-Pong match between the two. Some days it’s one, and a whole lot of other days, it’s the other. There have been quite a few times when I personally felt like I lost the game all together. Many times I found myself asking “Am I creative enough to be a writer?” or “What can I do to be more creative?”. In the end though, maybe it’s more of a question of how can we be the right amount of creative to accomplish our goals?

I want to tell you a story. Something that happened to me over the last few years that changed my life forever (causing me to abandon my blog for awhile too — sorry!) and made me see things in a little different light, especially concerning the way creativity works.

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Writing About the Things We Fear

“Write what disturbs you, what you fear, what you have not been willing to speak about. Be willing to be split open.” — Natalie Goldberg

Being a writer is a complicated thing. We love to write for the sake of writing, but we also don’t want to write because some days it is just so hard. But still we write, because not writing is not an option.

So what do we write about? People have different views on this. Some like light and happy stories. Some like dark and depressing stories. Some like gore and horror. Some like aliens and cool technology. Some like hot romance where the girl and guy always have their happy ever after. Some like the never ending thrill. And some like deep and moving characters no matter what the story is about.

But we all wonder… what really makes a good story? What draws the reader to each page to hungrily reach the end? What makes writing such an intense and rewarding process for the writer?

I think all these questions have one answer.

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How Do We Become the Person We Always Wanted to Be?

The Mirror of Merlin

 

“But you also have choices. Yes — and choices are nothing less than the power of creation. Through them, you can create your own life, your own future, your own destiny… By your choices you might even create an entirely new world, one that will spring into being from the ruins of the old.” — T.A. Barron from The Mirror of Merlin

 

Is it luck? Is it perseverance? Is it some combination of the two? Or maybe its an age-old secret only handed down to a select few? Or maybe the answer lies somewhere else entirely? How do we truly become the person we always wanted to be?

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Writing, a Never Ending Journey of Exploration and Learning

“Writing is an exploration. You start from nothing and learn as you go.” — E.L. Doctorow

If someone told me as I first started writing about nine years ago that my writing would be a never ending journey, I’m not sure I would have set out on that particular path. Granted, most people start writing for a reason, which usually includes the buzzing of character voices and ideas that won’t shut up. That was my case, and even with that warning I probably wouldn’t have had a choice in the matter. I find writing to be the only way to get the voices to shut the hell up (yeah, that makes me sound pretty certifiable huh?). But it’s the idea of the never ending that might make most people bulk, though I have learned since then that never ending can be a good thing.

When I started writing, I didn’t even know how to put a decent sentence together. Of course back then, I thought I could do at least that much, but I was young, delusional, and a little stupid. I don’t even dare look back at my writing from the very beginning because I’d cringe way too much. It was embarrassing. Really it was.

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Goals for 2015

As always I like to make a few goals for myself for the new year. I like to cement it here on my blog for accountability, but also I feel when I put something in writing I am more likely to get it done. I try not to go overboard and do unrealistic goals that I couldn’t get done in five years if I tried. In fact, this year I am keeping it simple with just a few things I want to try for, but they are significant to me.

Goal 1… And I know I’ve been saying this for the last two years, but for once I really do see this as a possibility… finish my novel Blood Feud. I’m at the halfway point in the fourth draft. All I have to do is finish the fourth draft and go through and do a quick polish draft and it will be DONE. I think it’s very reasonable to think I can get all that done in 2015.

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Writing for Me

I ventured onto my blog today to answer a comment a reader left and realized it’s been nearly a month since I’ve updated. I seem to have fallen into a pattern of ignoring my blog and pouring all my time into my my novel and the several short stories I’ve been working on. So today I’ve decided to do a update about my writing and why I’ve been ignoring my blog.

Since I began the journey of writing with the goal of writing for myself instead of trying to be a published author (late last year), writing has become much more fun and exciting! The ideas flow much easier and I’m just a happier person all around. It doesn’t mean I won’t pursue publication, but I’m no longer writing to fit a certain niche or what I think people want to read. I write what I want to read, and it makes a big different.

I have so many story ideas now I couldn’t possibly write them all out (at least not with the time restraints I have now). And yet, I still continue to have spontaneous ideas popping up at the strangest times. In fact, I was trying to relax in a bath the other day and a whole story just developed in one whole lump from start to finish in a matter of half an hour. After that I got out, got dressed, and sat down to the keyboard. Two hours later I had a full rough draft of a 3,700 words story finished. Yet another example of something happening because I didn’t force it. I wrote because I wanted to and it felt good. Real good.

The novel I’ve been working on since this past spring (Blood Feud) has gone much the same way. It’s a story that I wish I could read, but no one has written it yet, so I am taking it on myself to do the task. It’s been a fun ride so far. Don’t get me wrong, writing is hard work- very hard, but the joy of writing the novel far exceeds the grueling hours and dedication I put into it. Crazy I know, but it’s something I look forward to doing every single morning that I wake up. I might not be able get a chance to write on my novel everyday like I want, but I think about it and hope that I can find the time.

That is what writing should be. Something to look forward to with eagerness. Not something to dread or push until it hurts. I write for me. Sure no one may care to read what I write, but that’s okay. My work may not be what publishers are looking for. I don’t care, I write for me. And yes I’ve been ignoring my blog, because I have been too busy writing for… well, do I really have to say it again??? As long as I write for me, I will enjoy writing. So how about you guys, do you write for you?