I stood in the dark alone under the great expanse of the blue moon. Its white light touched every inch of me as I felt its rays pierce my heart, revealing all my secrets. I shivered as a warm breeze caressed my cheek. A pain tightened in my chest to feel my naked soul exposed beneath the stars. I was not used to such rawness afflicting me. Usually, I pushed things like emotions and thoughts from my head. I was too busy to consider myself and my needs. Those things did not matter, at least that’s what I normally told myself. But tonight something had happened, something I’d not expected. I’d fallen in love.
I knew it the moment I saw her. She was a vision of beauty. Everything about her spoke of perfection, as if she’d been created just for me. Her slender form, her long black tresses, and that glint of mystery in her azure eyes. The moment I touched her hand I felt a fire rage through me from my fingers to my feet. It burned away the barrier I had created, leaving it a pile of charred ash, and yet, I did not fear the fall of my defenses. I simply glowed like I’d swallowed the sun and its heat filled me to capacity. I felt more alive in that one moment than I had ever in my life, but doubt crept in to eclipse my soul.
Love. What was that emotion, but something to hold a person back? Something to distract from the normal agenda. Something to be avoided to be successful, at least that was what I’d been taught by my mentor. Now I wondered. Was there a way? Could I be both in love and be a successful CEO of my own company? Could I circumvent my sacrifice of a personal life? Could I still realize my dream with the distraction of that pretty face luring me away from my responsibilities?
Surely not. I remembered Jerry and Kate. They’d been in love. It had been sickening to watch as they gave each other secret looks across the conference table and stolen kisses in the break room. They both had become so enamored with each other that their work declined to the point I was forced to fire them. And now here I stood contemplating the thing I ‘d never considered for myself, knowing the danger that lurked below the surface.
I looked up into the bright face of the moon, wishing for it to talk to me and tell me what I should do. But only silence came to me, as a symphony of crickets sang me a song of loneliness. I felt the crumpled paper in my hand. I looked down at its blaring whiteness in the dark. She’d given me her number. She expected me to call her. But would I? Could I bear the sacrifice of my hard earned career? Or maybe I would be different? Maybe I could still have a life and my dream job too? Maybe. Or maybe not. What would happen when one day that love faded, or disappeared all together? What would I have then? At least with my work, I’d know an accomplishment love could never give, and I would never be a slave to another person’s desires- and that I feared more than anything else.
I blew out a long breath and let the paper with her number fall from my grasp. I watched as the wind picked up the paper, causing it to dance away in the breeze. My heart constricted at the sight, but only for a moment. I turned to walk away from all the things that might have been, knowing I’d just thrown away something that only happened once in a blue moon.